Golf Jokes » Rich famous golfersWho do you think you are
Jesus
and Arnold Palmer were playing golf. It's Arnold's turn to tee off,
and he does so. It's a long drive straight up the fairway, and he's
about a five iron off the green. "Not bad," Jesus says. A Jesus
step up to tee off, but His drive slices badly and lands on an island
in the middle of a water hazard. Jesus calmly walks across the water
to take his next shot.
"Jesus!"
yells Palmer, "Who do you think you are, Jack Nicklaus?"
Why are these Americans good at golf
Did
you know that O.J. Simpson, Monica Lewinsky, Ted Kennedy, and President
Bill Clinton are all avid golfers?
O.J.'s
a slicer, Monica's a hooker, Ted Kennedy can't drive over water,
and Clinton can't seem to hit the right hole!
Arnold Palmer & Tiger Woods
Arnold
Palmer and Tiger Woods are playing the 16th hole, when Tiger's tee
shot lands behind a huge, 100 foot fir tree. Tiger looks at Arnie
and says, "How would you play this one? Lay up and take the
extra stroke?" Stevie Wonder & Jack Nicklaus
Stevie
Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder
and says, "How is the singing career going?" How to stop Tiger Woods slicing
Tiger
Woods was teeing up on the first hole of the Open championship,
he hit his first shot and it sliced to the right. His next shot
was no better, again he sliced it right.
Feeling
disgruntled, he jokingly asked if anyone could prevent him from
making the ball go right, and to his suprise a little old lady pushed
her way to the front of the crowd and said she had some magic powder
that would stop his shots going right.
Tiger
was a bit dubious about this, but thought he would have nothing
to lose. He teed up the ball and the little old lady sprinkled this
magic powder onto the ball. Tiger took his shot and it went 320
yards straight down the middle of the fairway.
Tiger
was impressed. He lined up his next shot and again the little old
lady sprinkled the magic powder on to his ball. Again it flew straight
as an arrow and finished two feet from the flag.
Tiger was amazed at this and asked the little old lady what the
magic powder was.
"It's
Daz" said the little old lady.
"Daz!!"
exclaimed Tiger.
"Yes
Daz" said the little old lady,"Apparently it stops colours from
fading !"
Tiger Woods in Nepal Tiger Woods, in need of a well-earned rest, flew off to Nepal. But like any golfer on holiday, he had of course to try the local links - a mountainous course situated high in the Himalayas. The club was delighted to welcome him but desolated that they couldn't provide a caddie as the Sherpas who usually attended were on an Everest expedition. However, they assured him they could provide a yak who would serve very well instead. "Sahib Woods," assured the secretary, "this animal is of inestimable value but you have to watch out for him as he does like to sit on golf balls. It is, however, no problem as you have merely to reach under him and remove the ball. The yak will then continue on with the caddying." Forewarned and only slightly perturbed, Tiger set out. Over the first eight holes he had only had to remove the ball from beneath the sitting yak twice. Then on the ninth hole he had to drive the ball blind over a rocky outcrop. The yak took off after it and Tiger followed the yak. He caught up with it beyond the rocks. It was sitting in a water hazard - right up to its neck. Tiger stripped off and dived in the icy water to rescue his ball. He groped around under the yak but could not feel it at all. He surfaced, took another deep breath and tried again. Still nothing. Almost frozen, he tried again but with the same result. Finally he gave up and frozen to the bone made his way back to the clubhouse. "Hey fella, what's going on?" He explained to the secretary how he had dived three times for his ball but that the yak refused to move. He told the man how he couldn't find his ball and was almost frozen to death in the process. "And" he went on " that bloody yak is still sitting out there in the water hazard" "Oh a thousand apologies". The secretary was very apologetic, "I forgot to tell you. The yak also likes to sit on fish" Back to Joke Categories >> |